I started this website as a promise to myself to keep writing. I graduated four years ago with a creative writing degree and it’s kept the dust on my desk company while I took a nosedive into the restaurant industry. Writing has always been grounding for me, something that makes me feel like myself even in the most overwhelming times. Even after getting my degree I still struggle with feeling like a “real” writer. Not because of how little I write, but because of how little I share my writing. 

Music has always punctuated my life. I grew up with my mom walking around the house, singing Sheryl Crow and The Innocence Mission. I sat with my dad, a music producer, while he excitedly talked about the most recent alternative albums. I clung on to every band my older siblings listened to, trying my best to feel closer to them. At the age of six, with absolutely no talent, I wanted to be a singer. (Luckily for everyone I eventually grew out of that dream.) Once I got to my teens I was hell bent on finding a basement show to attend every weekend. Now, I’m still more likely to drop $100+ on concert tickets than a credit card payment. I love going to hear live music and getting emotional in a big group of people. I love watching the artists I grew up listening to, grow up with me. I spend my mornings watching interviews of my favorite artists talking about their work. And when I’m having a hard time and can’t quite figure out what I’m feeling, I put on the saddest album I can find and let someone else say it for me while I sit and feel it all. 

As most ideas I have, it started as a joke. I said to my sister, after an unprompted monologue about female rage in Fiona Apples' music, “I should really just write an essay about it.” I’d been struggling with this website for months, knowing I wanted to start a blog but not having a theme or idea to write about. Then it hit me - all of those time’s I’ve fixated myself on one song or one album and all of the feelings it brought up. I’ve always had so much to say about music, and I’ve always been too scared to say it because I didn’t feel like I had the right as someone with almost no technical music training. But that’s the thing about getting older that I’ve realized; no one really knows what they’re doing, and they’re certainly never completely trained to do it. We’re all running through life on false confidence. So here goes nothing. Thank you for being here.

My blog, Healing in the Club, will be updated when I feel like it.